Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
