Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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