if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
