i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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