Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
