I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
