I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
