You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
