so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
