I hate your face
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
