shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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