I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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