dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
