If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
