..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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