but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
