Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
