jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
