oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
