my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
