And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
