you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
