I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
