I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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