oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
