babies were throwing up all over the place
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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