the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
