tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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