You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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