i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
