The police scanner is talking about you again....
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
