i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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