rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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