I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
