Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
i think i just lost a toe
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
