no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
