Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
