I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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