You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
