I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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