I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
