She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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