i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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