his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
