dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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