pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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