If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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