you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
