i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
