Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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