You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
