Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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