some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
